It’s not easy to sum up one of the most unintentionally entertaining serial-killer movies of all time, one which contains a spectacularly memorable line of dialogue, but I’ll bravely give it a go.  A group of FBI profilers-in-training are sent to an abandoned island for a training exercise, but upon arrival, things turn deadly, their mode of transport is detroyed, and now trapped on the island, it becomes apparent that one of their own is a serial killer bent on murdering everyone with brilliantly crafted traps designed to prey upon each individuals greatest weakness, information learned over their time working together.

First of all, everyone in this movie deserved to die, for the first rule of deserted islands is that you do not go there unless there has been a zombie apocalypse, in which case, the deserted island is the first place you go.  Secondly, when one considers the serial killer’s plan, it seems a bit impractical.   His plan to bring a handful of FBI types to an island and kill them is fine, if it was a spur of the moment decision, but it wasn’t, it was part of an elaborately choreographed scheme for vengeance.

His grand evil plan all began when he was a young child and murdered his parents, and because the investigating FBI agent offered him gum instead of throwing him in prison, he decided at that moment to exact revenge, in the form of joining the FBI, becoming a profiler and luring a group of fellow feds to their deaths.  Of course, this plan required him to go to college, apply and be accepted to the FBI, study at Quantico, become an agent, gain admission to the NCAVC (National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime) progress through profiler school, all the while learning the greatest weaknesses of each fellow student and then waiting patiently for possibility of a day a group of FBI types would be sent to a deserted island where, assuming he would be a part of this group, he would at this point be able to implement his scheme.  Still with me?

I was curious about the killer’s level of determination to carry out his plan, since it seemed a bit involved, so I went directly to the federal government.  As it happens, it takes 20 weeks to graduate Quantico, another 8-10 years of field work before being accepted to the profiler branch of the FBI, at which point advancement comes only after the completion of periodic training regimens of 500 hours.

Check out this link – https://www.fbijobs.gov/611.asp – the second question is my favorite.  I browsed through most of the FBI application process, it’s actually really entertaining, the FAQ sections are by far the best, though if you’re worried about what sort of people apply to be FBI agents you probably shouldn’t read any of it.

So, anyway, what all of this means is that our killer spends, conservatively, a grueling 15 years of studying and working in order to have an opportunity, not a guarantee mind you, to kill a small group of people in a very specific way.  And once you get past the impractical logistics of the setup, the actual execution of the plan leaves much to be desired.  Mindhunter’s brilliant killer learns the greatest weakness of each intended victim and then uses that information against them, and given the many, many years spent with these people, one might make the leap that the killer discovers some truly fatal flaws.  Which he does, I suppose, for it seems one gentleman loves coffee, another likes to have his gun when he’s on duty, another has strong leadership skills.  By masterfully exploiting these weaknesses, our group of feds are slowly whittled down to size until a final confrontation, in which the line of dialogue that inspired this piece is uttered.  Enjoy!

Feel free to watch the whole thing, there’s lots of good stuff, especially as Jonny Lee Miller explains much of his evil machinations, but if your time is at all meaningful to you, simply skip ahead, the line is at the 6:57 mark.