I could easily sit here and summarize the plot for this week’s episode entitled The Writing on the Wall. I could synopsize the subplots and truncate the character arcs. If given enough time, I could recap, rehash, reiterate, and regurgitate the hell out of it and then, once the proverbial dust had settled, I could regurgitate that regurgitation into more regurgitation just like a mother bird feeding her young!

But I digress.

Wouldn’t you rather read my thoughts on Agent ________’s eyebrows instead? Of course you would. So with that in mind, I’ll let Skye sum up the show…

SKYE: “Ward has information about my father who just happens to have the alien buzzkill device, which is somehow connected to the writing that is related to the G.H. serum that is in our blood. It’s like we’re pieces to a puzzle.”

That was more of a “you are here” reorientation than a summary, but so be it. On to the episode/eyebrow review.

“What does this mean?”

While Coulson’s team is on the lam from the army, Ward is on the lam from Coulson. That lam takes him to my home state of MA, specifically to Boston, more specifically to an Irish pub. (Is there any other kind?)

In the pub, Ward meets with Bakshi (the evil Hydra agent, not the R-rated animation director) and this meeting concludes an impressive display of Ward’s skills in evading capture. He does everything from switching buses at the last minute to strapping explosives to himself. I’m not sure what he hoped to gain from helping a mother and child with their luggage, but otherwise it was all very impressive. One parting gift from the meeting was this dialog:

WARD: “Since Strucker is overseas, I assume you report to someone else.”

Baron Wolfgang von Strucker is a Hydra heavy hitter in Marvel comics whose live-action debut was in the post-credits scene of Captain America: The Winter Soldier. (The post-scene without the Winter Soldier.)

“What does THIS mean?”

Now we have a second reference point, one that establishes Ward as knowing the Baron who will have a prominent role in The Avengers: Age of Ultron. Does Ward’s mention of Strucker foreshadow Ward’s appearance in that film as well? We’ll see next summer.

It’s hard to watch this episode and not draw comparisons to another story with similar elements — Close Encounters of the Third Kind. It’s hard for me anyway.

Both Close Encounters of… and Agents of… deal with alien contact. Both feature humans compelled to create something unknown to them – Devils Tower in CE3K, alien glyphs in AOS. They obsessively do this over and over again with any tool available. Dreyfuss and the mom from A Christmas Story use paintings and mashed potatoes. Coulson and other resurrected agents draw, carve, and tattoo their obsessions. Both heroes are nearly driven mad in their quest to uncover their respective mysteries:

COULSON: “What does this mean?!”

DREYFUSS: “This means something!”

Each story even has a toy train that triggers the answer to their compulsive plots. What does any of this have to do with ________’s eyebrows? Nothing. On the other hand, maybe this does indeed mean something.

The Writing on the Wall could also be known as this series’ very special Halloween episode thanks to some downright spooky imagery.

“This means something!”

When Coulson subjects himself to Raina’s memory machine in order to track down the glyph-obsessed serial killer, the visuals become a twisted nightmare chockful of exposed brains, disemboweled aliens, and psychologically scary hallucinations courtesy of head trippy special effects and editing.

Also on the scare menu — Agent ________’s eyebrows.

Look at them in his/her first scene. They’re on par with Sean Connery’s bushy brows in Dr. No. Groucho Marx’s grease-painted brows have nothing on him/her. Look out, Frida Kahlo.

I could go further with this bit, but it’s not fair to the actor/actress. I frequented a certain screenwriting website a few years back until its message boards got too ugly. The off-topic subject that made me unbookmark the site — How puffy Kirsten Dunst looked in Spider-Man 3. Not whether or not she looked puffy, but how puffy she looked.

There are plenty of things to bash in Spider-Man 3. Puh-len-ty. An actress’ physical appearance shouldn’t be one of them. Same goes for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., which is why I redacted the eyebrow owner’s name from this article. If you really want to know, you can rewatch the show. But be prepared to feel guilty.

NEXT MISSION: The Things we Bury