Down in a Blaze of Glory – Ghost Rider 2 : Spirits of Vengeance…

Release Date: February 17th 2012

Needs a pot holder


Ghost Rider 2 may have been blessed with new directors, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (Crank), but even this was not enough to save it from stinking like an old sock worn by a zombie from what I have seen. As we all know, zombies are not much on hygiene.

The New Directors absolutely love their movie – kind of like the way my mom HAD to love me even after she found my giant stash of ‘True Detective Magazine’. She was convinced I was going to be a serial killer. If she only knew how much those magazines are worth right now she would have never thrown them away.

Reviews on various horror web sites have not been kind and rightfully so. Many of these sites have mentioned the review by Butt-Numb-Athon (BNAT) – which is hosted by Harry Knowles (Ain’t It Cool News). This mini-festival shows 24 hours of vintage films as well as premiers. It has been said this function deemed it WORSE than the first one, which is a fate worse than death. CGI does not look like it quite made the jump from 2007 to 2012 – and THAT says it all. Word on the street is the 3-D is not impressive.

I loved the Ghost Rider comic and collected the toys. When I first heard they would be making a movie about Ghost Rider I was thrilled. I had always dreamed about Ghost Rider becoming a movie as well as my favorite Spiderman foe, Venom, donning his presence in any of the Spiderman movies. When it was announced that Venom was indeed in Spiderman 3 but he would be played by Topher Grace (That 70’s Show), I was dumbfounded. I had it all planned out in my mind, as did all Venom fans. That coupling was worse than a Tijuana Donkey Show.

My dreams (what was left of them) were then stomped on yet again, upon hearing that Nicolas Cage was to play Johnny Blaze (The cursed and tormented bounty hunter of rogue demons). I was just plain depressed. First of all, he has the worst hair in Hollywood and does not look ANYTHING AT ALL like Johnny Blaze. I immediately think of ‘National Treasure’ and ‘Valley Girl’, not a flaming skull. Chris Hemsworth (Thor) would have been perfect as would have Sam Worthington (Avatar and Terminator Salvation), but since the first Ghost Rider was no prize, I highly doubt they would have touched this film with a ten foot pole.

The directors keep talking about how amazingly awesome it is that Ghost Rider is going to be peeing fire. To me, that just spells one thing – S.T.D. – I guess Ghost Rider was not paying attention in health class the day we had to get permission slips to watch that “special film” on suiting up properly. Speaking of health class, from what I learned, a weiner is made from muscle not BONE. Deductive reasoning…skeletons do not have weiner’s.

Co- Director Brian Taylor said that Nicolas Cage had a lot of nightmares due to the research on what his version of what the demon would be. I am speculating that his nightmares had nothing to do with the demon and more to do with this movie in general. I guess it would be quite a nightmare knowing you would be going down in a BLAZE of glory.

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