MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. Episode 2.09: …Ye Who Enter Here (T.V. review)

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…Ye Who Enter Here, the title of this week’s episode, alludes to the warning at hell’s entrance, “abandon all hope, ye who enter here,” as depicted in Dante’s The Divine Comedy.

In this case, “hell” is most likely the ancient alien city that S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra have been searching for. Or it could refer to the hell on earth that Whitehall will unleash should he find the city first. Or maybe it’s a synergistic nod to Pirates of The Caribbean, owned by A.B.C. parent company Disney Studios. Regardless, it brings our heroes closer to unraveling this season’s mysteries, the least of… which is…

Alright, wait a sec. Enough of this.

I can’t believe I just mentioned The Divine Comedy in a review about a so-called “comic book show.” And in my opening paragraph, no less!

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That’s kind of pretentious, isn’t it? As if I’m trying to sound smarter than I am. Or assuming that you’re not smart enough to get the Dante reference. Neither could be further from the truth, but I still did it and I’m calling myself out on it.

Want to know what I really thought of the episode? Then don’t read the final draft of my review because my editorial side will have polished the hell out of it, fact-checked it, second-guessed it, etc. To really know a reviewer’s thoughts on a show, read our first drafts. Our gut reactions and initial impressions.

With that in mind, I pull back the curtain to expose my notes (some sensical, some non) as taken while watching …Ye Who Enter Here. Abandon all hope of a normal critique.

STEVE’S NOTES

Creepy nightmare for Skye. Does this mean Coulson is her real dad? Nah.

Funny mini-Lola sight gag.

The team’s cloaking device makes the Bus look like Wonder Woman’s invisible jet. And new cast member Adriene Palecki once played Wonder Woman. Coincidence? (Note: spellcheck Adriene Palecki.)

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Fitz-Simmons finally talk about Fitz and Simmons.

Vancouver.

Cool umbrella of invisibility. Harry Potter would be jealous.

Puerto Rico.

I don’t like plantains.

S.H.I.E.L.D. solved the Bermuda Triangle mystery back in the 1980s?! And Trip just mentioned Atlantis. Funny joke. Or is it a joke? Could this be a set-up for Atlantis being a real place in this Marvel universe? If Atlantis exists, then so does Namor. Which studio owns the Sub-Mariner these days anyway? Look it up.

Marvel and Universal jointly own Sub-Mariner. Hmm.

Bobbi’s Puerto Rican contact, Diego, plays an important role, yet we never hear him speak. We only see him and Bobbi argue in the background. Silently. That actor would earn more if he said an actual line of dialog. Is this production’s way of saving money?

And the award for best banter goes to:

BOBBI: “Don’t die out there, okay?”

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HUNTER: “It’s Canada.”

Former S.H.I.E.L.D. agent/current Hydra Agent 33 returns with a half-melted Melinda May mask that looks like a lizard alien shedding her human skin in V.

Wasn’t Agent 33 a character from Get Smart? Look it up.

No 33 on Get Smart.

S.O. stands for Superior Officer, but every time a character says those initials, my wife thinks they stand for Significant Other. My significant other thinks S.O. means Significant Other. That’s sweet. In a militaristic sort of way.

We finally get official confirmation that the “blue angels from the heavens” are the alien race known as the Kree! So Ronan the Accuser isn’t the only blue-faced alien in this M.C.U. Does this connect to Carol Danvers in the upcoming Captain Marvel movie? What about Mar-Vell? The Supreme Intelligence? Rick Jones?! So many geek questions. So little geek time.

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Snack break.

Ming Na-Wen looks damn good for a 50-year-old. Is it Ming Na-Wen or Ming-Na Wen? Look it up.

It’s Ming-Na Wen. And she’s 51!

We also get confirmation — albeit only visual — that the multiple Patton Oswalts we’ve been seeing (this time together) are Life Model Decoys. Maybe these L.M.D. Koenigs are paving the way for Ultron and Vision in the Avengers sequel.

Bathroom break.

How did Hydra get so many Quinjets? I forget, but I’m glad they’re called Quinjets and not Avenjets like in the Avengers cartoon. Avenjet. Laaaaaame.

This ancient Kree city looks like the waiting area of Disneyland’s Indiana Jones ride. Not sure if that’s a good thing.

Fitz-Simmons’ flying probes are back in action. Did Disney force Whedon to name them after the 7 Dwarfs or was that Whedon sucking up to the mouse? Is it Dwarfs or Dwarves? Look it up.

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Dwarfs.

Something bad just happened to Mack.

Mockingbird’s battle staves can electrocute people like Black Widow’s bracelets. Cool.

Something worse happened to Mack!

Ward cut his hair.

What the @#$% happened to Mack?! I guess we’ll find out all about it in the…

 


NEXT MISSION: The winter finale with the ominous title — What They Become.

 

 

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