Instructional Safety Guide: How to Survive a Mega Piranha Attack.

Mega Piranha  (T.V. 2010)  Syfy channel release about a mutant strain of psychotic Piranha that have escaped from the Amazon and made their way to Florida, the “Sunshine State”.

Syfy’s Saturday night movie “Mega Piranha” drew 2.2 million viewers, making it the channel’s most-watched movie of the year.


Instructional safety guide on how to survive a Mega Piranha attack.

 Things you will need…

1. Tight Shirt (Black of course)

2. Combat Boots – hence for combat.

3. Massive awesomeness.

4. Power Thirst – preferably Rawberry because it gives you ‘ENERGY LEGS.’

Preparation for the impending attack –

 There is only one thing to know – The Squat Thrust

The Squat Thrust is not something to be taken lightly. You must start with low reps, as a  groin or hamstring pull could be your demise. There is no room for error or cramping. Work your way up to 1000 reps because you never know how long the attack will be.

Mega Piranha do not have any concept of time and/ or fatigue. They only know destruction. An attack from a Mega Piranha does not have to be near a beach. THIS IS A FACT.

They have no boundaries and are not to be trusted.

My dog and I were almost attacked at a park one lazy Sunday afternoon. Luckily,  we were beyond prepared. I had packed some Rawberry in my dog’s fanny pack ; we were both wired and full of tension.

Near a large pine tree were two shifty looking Mega Piranha – they were smoking REDS. My dog and I dropped and ‘assumed the attack position’.  It was bad timing as it was right next to a birthday party and the playground was full of children.

I am pretty sure I know who called the cops…


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