Snider on Snyder’s IMMORTALS

One-Sheet for Zach Snyder's IMMORTALS

Starring: Henry Cavill, Stephen Dorff, Luke Evans, Isabel Lucas, Kellan Lutz, Joseph Morgan, Freida Pinto, Mickey Rourke, Daniel Sharman.

Directed by: Tarsem Singh Release Date: November 11, 2011

The upcoming sequel/prequel to Zach Snyder’s, 300: Battle of Artemisia, The Immortals, is described by director Tarsem Singh as “Caravaggio meets Fight Club.” Theseus is a mortal man chosen by Zeus to lead the fight against the ruthless King Hyperion, who is on a rampage across Greece to obtain a weapon that can destroy humanity.

My version – Hot man fights and kills everything and involves himself with Minotaurs because he wants to. Anyone that does that is hot. I would cross the street if there were a Minotaur at the bus stop. I would punch it at a red light if one was next to me. But then again…who could NOT help taking a quick glance at one. We all know we would make the fatal error of checking him out just to say that we saw one. Unfortunately, there will be nobody to tell since you will be dead. Next thing you know, you are covered in crows, whom are eating your now-exposed entrails while Mr. Minotaur is wearing your pelvis as a bracelet. Was it worth it? Hell yes.

This movie is perfectly cast and the cinematography is going to be purely fabulous. Rumor has it, Gerard Butler will be making a cameo (Drooling now)…he was extremely hot in 300 and if he gets that little goatee thing going on and has an attitude-watch out! He just needs to stay away from Jennifer Aniston and everything will be fine.

Immortals has a ton of giant, hot, buff dudes for the girls and foxy Cleopatra’s for the boys. I remember when Astinos (Tom Wisdom) was beheaded in 300 (tragedy). My sister and I were so in love with him that we decided it was ok for one of us to get the head and the other to get his hot bod. Freida Pinto in Immortals is beautiful. I think even the Minotaur might get her the finest chocolates and present her with something that is not even dead (perhaps some fresh basil and crisp grapes). Ok, Immortals is an example of good CGI – it looks amazing. Battle Scenes look excellent and I cannot wait to see this on the big screen! Atmosphere of the film is dark and gloomy,  just plain perfect. I am all about doom and gloom- if its done right. It is going to be a movie that you just watch in awe and maybe even wet your pants in so you don’t miss anything. Might be a great time to test out some Depends, just to see if they really can be trusted in public.

Garson Yu is the founder and creative director of yU+co – a motion design company in L.A. He was the creative director for the top-notch end sequence in 300. It was mesmerizing and sucked you right in up until the very end. I am looking forward to the end sequence of Immortals and  I am sure I will not be disappointed. It was one of my favorite end sequences, besides Ratatouille (which is just as tasty to eat as it looked in the movie). Much like The Flintstones, giant Dino leg and cartoon steaks always looked soooo delicious. I don’t even like steak, but if I could ever get my hand on a cartoon one – I would destroy it.

Immortals comes out on 11/11/11, and provided the world doesn’t end that day, I will be there. I will be skipping the nachos and stick to Twizzlers. I will be the one yelling far too loud when there is a de-cap scene!  And no, you don’t have to sit next to me, mother.

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